it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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