My sheets look like a crime scene.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
