You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need to align my fucking chakras
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
