Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Operation Purity has been aborted
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
