PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
