drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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