he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
