What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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