Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
