I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and she was petting her beer can
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
