I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
