even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
