Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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