The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
