I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
