His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
