Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
