Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
