Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
