i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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