ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
