he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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