New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
