I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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