I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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