Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
