For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
