Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
