i just had sex bonerless
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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