I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
