I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
