My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
