you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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