So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
