you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
