don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
