textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
