Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
