Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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