Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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