So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
