Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
