just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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