drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
