its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
