Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
