It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
