Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
