I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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