i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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