Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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